Friday, February 19, 2010

um, ok, so...

I'm supposed to be working on new things right?! I have the ideas in my head but I'm having a really tough time trying to get them to become real. Shit, it's sounding like a peter pan movie here. LOL's. I think because they are so different than anything I've shown before I'm getting intimidated by the actual creation of them and the reaction to them. It's hard to know when you've had your instinct drummed out of you by 'well meaning' people. I'm trying. Ok over the past few hours I've been trying to get a kick ass bejeweled score over on facebook but... Yikes.

Artistically right now it's a challenge because I've got some personal stuff I'm wrestling with and it just leaves me so drained that I just don't feel like anything. I know, and I do just want to push through it and let whatever comes out of it come out but it is easier said than done when you can't find the tiniest flicker of it. I'm not going to do into the whole personal jumble o' crap but let's just say it involves deciding the existence I've been doing isn't cutting it for me anymore. I didn't always have this proverbial stick up my ass, I was happy. At least I think I remember being happy once, maybe twice. Ok, ok, I exaggerate a bit there but you get my point. Perhaps it is all part of the artistic angst I wrote about a bit back. maybe it's just my third of a life crisis. Maybe I got that stick wedged up there way too good.

Ok well I guess I'm going to at least go and ponder a creation or two while rummaging through my clay while this fricking DuranDuran song (Starting to Remember) runs through my head and I try not to tear up. It's good to know somebody else felt this way or at the very least had a good enough imagination. The song...
5. starting to remember

How to begin do I shed a skin?
Now that I am starting to remember
It takes a while
But you find a way to open up the door
Let demons walk
Now that I am starting to remember
Can't change my world

I was happy ever after
Was it only yesterday?
That I bought the dream?
But I don't sleep no more
Counting the hours
‘Til the dawn

Now that I am starting to remember
How to love
How to learn draw like a child
Run for miles and miles
Now that I am starting to remember
Who I am
Another lonely night ahead for me now
Buried in the darkening day
That lingers on
And drags me down
But you've got to believe
Time will heal.
written by/copyright: Duran Duran
© 2000 Skin Trade Music and Private Parts Music

Ok well make of me what you will. I feel exposed having shared that with you all. And usually when I bare even a sliver of my soul it comes back to haunt me so it's not like I won't be expecting it.

Until later....
peace, blessings & furry kisses

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